1,826 days equals 5 years. Think about the last five years for a moment. It would be my guess that out of the
last 1,826 days some of them have been good and some have been terrible. Some have been marked with victory
while others wear the shroud of sorrow.
And think of how much has changed in the course of the last
1,826 days. The children Ronna is
teaching this year in Kindergarten were but babies 1,826 days ago. They could not walk 5 years back and
now they are writing their name, going to the lunchroom, and learning to read,
add and subtract, and about the five food groups. Think of all of the growth that has taken place in their
lives during the last 1,826 days.
Today marks the anniversary of the day in my life,
and in the life of my family, that wears the darkest shroud of sorrow. It was 1,826 days ago today that my
parents were involved in a fatal head-on collision that killed my mother
instantly and left my father to linger for eleven days before he, too, slipped from this world into the arms of God. And today, I stand, looking back over
the last 1,826 days to see how life has changed not only for me but how life
has changed in me as well.
In many respects, I feel almost like one of those
kindergarteners who, looking back, has grown. And maybe that is truly the best approach to this who
story…growth. There are so many
areas in my own life that have become areas of growth for me. Things I have learned and most of them
are things I never wanted to learn…at least not in this classroom.
I have learned a lot about grief. Having been a minister of the Gospel for more than ten years
now, I have been with a lot of people in the midst of death and grief. But, it was not until I began walking
the road myself that I began to learn how terrible we have become at grieving
in America, and especially in the church.
What we fail to see is that we are filled with God-given emotions that
can truly serve us well in coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. But, instead, we make statements such
as “I have to be strong.” My
response to that is, “Why?” “My grace is enough for you; my power comes
to perfection in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). If we truly believe these words of our
Lord spoken to Paul, then why should we not allow our selves to journey through
grief in an honest and broken manner?
Maybe, just maybe, if we allowed ourselves this freedom, a freedom to
grieve, a freedom to hurt, a freedom to lament, we would find less issues that
haunt and plague us later in life.
Maybe, if we took advantage of the opportunity to grieve our losses, and
truly grieve them as one who is weak and allow the grace of God to be enough
and the power of God to be brought to perfection, we would see dramatic changes
in our mental health.
Too often we feel the need to suppress the power of grief
because it gets in the way of a normal way of life. “I am ready for some normalcy again” we often say. One of the things I have learned about
grief in the last 1,826 days is that things will never return to that state of
“normal.” This way of living is
the new normal. This is the way
life is now. I feel that when we
swallow our grief and pain and sorrow instead of expressing it, we rob
ourselves of the gift of God that grief truly can be. Maybe this comes from our culture where everything is
instant. Instant coffee and
potatoes. Instant downloads to our
iPhones. Instant 5-step fixes for
a broken toilet. Instant
grief? There is something about
putting the words “instant” and “grief” together that repulses me. Grief is not instant. In fact, it has been 1,826 days since
the worst day of my life and I will admit there are still days when the absence
of my mother and my father is incredibly painful. Whoever says that “time heals all wounds” was
misspoken. Time does not
heal. Only God heals. God uses time to help us learn to walk
again after having both legs knocked out from under us.
Maybe one reason we try to rush our way through grief is
because we are not sure to do with all of the stuff that is inside us. All of the emotion. All of the pain. All of the….stuff. What do we do with it? Where do we take it? How do we even look at it? And at the heart of all of these
feelings, emotions, and whirlwind of stuff is anger. We are angry that death has taken our loved one. We can be angry at anyone or even
everyone. We can be angry at our
departed loved one. We can be
angry at God. And then we begin
feeling guilty for feeling angry and think and even say, “God doesn’t want me
to be angry.” And again, my
response after 1,826 days into the journey, is “Why?” Why should we not be angry? Why should we not express our anger? Do we not believe that God is big
enough or strong enough to handle even our anger? Do we not think that even God is angered by death?
The gospels tell us about the emotions expressed by
Jesus. Not the least of which was
anger. In fact, He was angered at
the death of Lazarus. John
11:33 speaks of Jesus being “deeply
moved” while approaching the tomb of his friend. Every time I find myself standing with Jesus and a grieving
family at a graveside service, I am like Jesus and deeply moved. In Greek, there is a sense of
frustration and anger in this text.
I cannot help but think that Jesus was thinking, “Death, you stealing cheat!
You have struck again and one of these days I am going to deal with you
FOR GOOD!” I have learned that
if Jesus is okay with something, I should be too. Anger was a part of Jesus’ grief over his friend,
Lazarus. Why should it not become
part of ours?
Now, I must take a moment to say, that all freedoms can be
exploited, grief included. For all
of the freedom we can find in honest grieving, we must be careful not to allow
these things to rule over us.
There is a difference in allowing God to use these things to bring us to
a healthy place of living and making these things (anger, grief, etc) gods in
our own lives. The latter leads to
a most unhealthy way of living.
But, maybe the greatest lesson I have learned over the last
1,826 days, has been that we need a solid theology of resurrection in our
lives, our homes, and our congregations.
Some may be crying, “In layman’s terms, please, Andrew!” This means that we need to begin
embracing the power of the resurrection of Christ Jesus and allowing God to do
to us what He did to His own Son: raise us back to life. We need to understand what resurrection
power can do in our lives. Until
1,826 days ago, I will admit, the doctrine of the resurrection was just that, a
doctrine that I tipped my hat to every Easter. Every one of the last 1,826 days, I will admit, that I have
done more than tip my hat to this 2,000-year-old teaching of the church. The resurrection of Jesus is not simply
a doctrine and a church teaching.
The resurrection of Jesus is a reality! When Jesus was standing at the tomb of Lazarus, and snorting
as He was deeply moved by death, no one around Him knew just how moved He
was. He was moved to action. The action was that He would take death
on: head on! He would allow death
to take Him out so He could, in turn, three days later, take it out! Living in light of the resurrection is
the mission of the church. For the
Christian, the resurrection should be more than the chief doctrine of the
faith. It should be the single-most
life changing-truth ever encountered.
The resurrection is what makes grief, in the darkest and
deepest of days, even bearable.
The resurrection is what makes the anger of grief expressible. The resurrection is what gives us the
truest freedom to be honest with God about where we are and what this grief is
doing to us. The resurrection
gives hope to those hopelessly stuck in grief. The resurrection shines light onto those who are desperately
wandering in the darkness of grief.
You know, looking back, things are much different now. 1,826 days have passed. The world is a different place. I am a different person. I have learned about life, faith,
marriage, parenting, and so much more.
Life has been full of ups and downs in the last 1,826 days. Maybe in the days, weeks, and months
ahead, I will take the time to write about these things. But, for now, here’s to the next 1,826
days!
He is risen...just as He told you…
-ASR
